There are so many phrases talking about time.  “Time flies when your having fun”, “time seems to drag on” and the one I seem to hear a lot in the last 3 years ” time heals all wounds”.   I agree with the first two but the last one gets me everytime.  I don’t think time can really ever heal a heart wound, the kind you have when someone you love dies.  My mind stays in protection mode most of the time.  I compare my wound to a scab…when it gets knocked off, it bleeds.  Now, the bleeding doesn’t last as long, but it still bleeds.  Time makes things different, but diffently doesn’t heal it.   My heart wound is deep.  My husband often talks about the separation we have felt after loosing Blake.  We long to hear his laughter and see his smiling face, and oh how I miss those blue eyes he had.  Some people think you move on with life.  Life does move on, whether we want it to or not…but there will always be that empty chair at the table.  We will never stop missing him or talking about the sweet memories we have made.  I’m so thankful I know where he is and I will get to see him again one day.   Life here on earth is temporary….Heaven is forever!!

Rose Kennedy said  “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’  I do not agree.  The wounds remain.  In time, the mind protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens.  But it is never gone.”   This explains exactly how I feel and probably how anyone that’s lost someone they love feels.  Thank you Rose Kennedy for those profound words of wisdom!!

“He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.”  Psalm 147:3

Today I choose JOY….

Our sermon yesterday was about carrying one another’s burdens.   It really got me thinking about all the people that have carried my burden of loosing Blake.  I can’t thank my family and friends enough for this special gift.  I’m truly amazed when I look back over the last 3 years and 3 months how God so carefully placed His people in my path.  I’m so blessed to have these special people in my life.  My heart smiles every time I hear someone tell a story or share a memory of that sweet boy of mine. I’m so thankful he has not been forgotten.  When Blake first died, I was so worried that his life would be forgotten.  My prayer was that his memory would live on….thank you Jesus for answering that prayer.

A sweet friend of mine told me about sharing Blake’s story on the beach with some college students from Wisconsin.  I love how Blake’s story is being shared everywhere….”Tell the world about Jesus” was Blake’s desire and even though he’s gone, people are telling his story!  A bracelet from Blake’s Run was given to these college students…there’s something so amazing when you pull that bracelet off and place it on someone’s arm.  God is God-every moment!!!

I know I will never “get over” Blake’s death, but I have learned to live, survive and even thrive with the Lord’s help.  I have a longing for Heaven like never before.  But until the Lord calls me home, I will “Tell the world about Jesus” and how He has walked every moment of every day with me!!

To carry another persons burden his a huge undertaking, but when we do this it pleases the Lord.  “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”  Galatians 6:2

Today I choose JOY!!

We are starting the third year without my Blake.  I’m not quite sure what to expect.  The first year I was in shock, the 2nd year reality set in….now the 3rd year begins.  Living without Blake hasn’t gotten any easier, just different.  I still miss his sweet smile and his funny laugh.  I will always long to hear his voice.  I’m so thankful I  know where he is and I will see him again one day!

Randy and I spent last week on a cruise to the eastern Caribbean.  God very carefully placed people in our path.  We were able to “Tell the world about Jesus”.  We met a man that wanted to know all about Blake.  He was a pastor…God is God!  On the 15th, this kind man prayed with Randy and I and let us share special memories of Blake.  God knew we needed someone and He put this man in our path.  I don’t believe in chance, God is continuing to connect the dots.  I love how God always makes Himself known to us.  We are never alone.

Randy and I will be married 30 years on Monday, May 25.  I’m so blessed that God gave me the sweetest man in the world to be my husband.  I often wonder how I got so lucky!!  I can’t imagine doing my life with anyone else.  God has and continues to bless us in our life and marriage.  We have a lot of work to do and a lot of people to invest in before Jesus calls us home.  I will always search and choose to see JOY!

“The pain you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming”……

I don’t ever remember wanting spring to come as badly as I do this year.  I long for warm sunny days.  This years winter months have seemed so long.   I’m growing very weary of gray days.  I can’t wait for blue skies above….birds singing….and the flowers blooming.  Springtime refreshes me!   I’m looking forward to springing forward and the days getting longer.

When I think of Heaven, I picture springtime…..beautiful colors everywhere…..no darkness, only light.  I long for Heaven in a way I’ve never known before.  A place that’s full of joy and peace…..no sorrow, only happiness…..I can only imagine right now the beauty of Heaven.  I often think of a song my husband sang at my Granny’s funeral “Beulah Land”

“I’m kind of homesick for a country

to which I’ve never, never been before

no sad goodbyes up there will be spoken

time won’t matter anymore.

Beulah Land, I’m longing for you

and some day on thee I’ll stand

and there my home shall be eternal

Beulah Land, sweet Beulah Land

I’m looking out across the river

to where my faith is gonna end in sight

theres  just a few, few more days

were all gonna have to labor

then I’m gonna take my heavenly flight!”

Time to get busy doing whatever it is that the Lord needs me to do!!

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

Choose JOY everyday!!

I love the verse Phillippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.”  This verse has helped me through many tough and dark days.  I’m reminded I can’t do this life alone but with Jesus I can survive and even thrive.  He has a plan and it is perfect.  Sometimes my plans don’t look like His plans but at the end of the day His plan is always best.  He sees the big picture while I’m just connecting the dots waiting to figure out what the picture is.

God is God-every moment💕

What is my reaction when God says not now or even no to my prayers? This question has been on my mind for the last few weeks. As Christians we often think our life should be easy and without hardships. Not true…we live in a broken world which hardships are everywhere. Satan preys on us when we are broken. He wants to win….that’s when I just have to scream at him because only God gets glory!! Only God wins!!
I know when my Blake was in the hospital my prayer for him was to live. God answered that prayer. Blake lived for 6 days. I remember praying for complete healing….I knew God could perform miracles!! I wanted one of those miracles soooo bad!! I went into Blake’s room on Sunday which was day 4 and I prayed the hardest prayer that I’ve ever in my life prayer…I prayed for His will not mine. Complete submission….I didn’t want Blake to die, but at the same time I didn’t want him to suffer.
God took Blake home on Tuesay, May 15, 2012. That was His will. The question is “Did I stop believing that God answers prayers? No, it has made my faith in Him stronger because I trust him…he never makes mistakes!!”
I still pray and still want the answer to be yes…but, sometimes it’s not. Do I stop praying? No I don’t! He knows what’s best, even if I don’t really like it at the time.
I think my prayers have changed a little now. I always ask him for what I want because He knows my heart…but I always say no matter what I want Your will.
Never let your will become more important than His will. If we don’t get the answer we want, that’s our time to really lean in to Him. He has a plan for each of us…we just have to trust Him.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” James 1:2-3

Finding JOY in my Journey…

Christmas has come and gone for 2014. I loved getting to spend time with my family. Derek and Sarah were able to come to Texas for Christmas this year. That was such a gift. I love spending time with my kiddos. They truly make my heart smile. We had a great Christmas, but still someone was missing. There will always be an empty spot that no one will ever fill….and I’m ok with that….if that’s possible. I’m trying really hard to start my 2015 with my glass half full not half empty. Some days are easier than others, but I always make an effort to count my blessings. God has been so good to me in 2014 and I’m looking forward to what He has in store for 2015.

One of my best times in 2014 was my facebook challenge. I requested for my friends to look for JOY and send me pictures. I treasure each and every picture and story. It was really cool to see how different people see JOY. JOY comes in so many ways…from little girls dancing…to a family playing in the leaves together…and the word JOY. I don’t ever remember seeing the word JOY as much as I have seen the last 2 years. Businesses used the word JOY in their slogans. Very catchy, if you ask me!!

God makes sure I see JOY in some way, form or fashion everyday. JOY is one of the most precious gifts God has given me.

I’m looking forward to all the JOY God has waiting for me in 2015.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,”. James 1:2
God never promised that I would not have trouble in my life…but He did promise to never leave me alone. So, my JOY Journey continues….

Joy is my special gift. When I feel sad or lonely God always gives me a little JOY to get me through the day. Christmas is especially tough because someone will always be missing in my family. I try not to dwell on who’s missing but, who’s here. Blake is in Heaven at the most wonderful time of the year. He gets to celebrate our Savior’s birth right there with HIM!!! Wow…I can only imagine that party.

I still have sad days…and no I will never “get over” loosing my son, but with God’s grace I can continue living and doing what HE has for me to do until it’s my turn to go home.

I look forward to Christmas because I get to celebrate Jesus’ birthday and my kiddos get to come home. There will be much JOY in the Schoenrock home this year because that is what we choose!!

Find JOY and share it with someone today…

This is the 3rd year for my “JOY” tree. I think back 3 years ago and I had decided to not put up a Christmas tree. I just couldn’t do it…I thought. God let me ponder on this a week or so and then it happened. I wasn’t going to put up a Christmas tree…HE needed me to put up a JOY tree. God had been so faithful to me by giving me my JOY back. Everyday HE made sure I saw JOY somewhere. I bought a few JOY ornaments to start my new tree. I knew I couldn’t go through my old ornaments or even look at the stockings. I had to change things up a little. The boys stockings and ornaments are packed safely away and one day maybe I will be able to use them on my tree. After all, God is God, right!! The first Christmas without Blake was so hard, I can’t lie. But, with Jesus, HE made it doable.
A few weeks into December 2012, I started receiving packages on my porch. Some with names and others without. Every present I received was filled with love and JOY. This went on for 11 days. On the 12th day we went to the Clark’s for Christmas Eve. It was my first Christmas Eve without Blake or Derek at home. Roger, Vickie and their sweet family made sure we felt so welcome and loved. I don’t really know what Randy and I would have done without our family and friends. They never left us!! At the end of the evening Vickie brought out a present for me. It is one of my greatest treasures. It was my sign that says “God is God-every moment”. I remember her asking me if I knew what the last 12 days had been about…I had a blonde moment and said “what do you mean?” She sweetly explained that I had been given the 12 Days of Joy. WOW!! Now I understood…sometimes I’m just a little slow.
I’m so thankful for that Christmas of 2012….God made sure we survived and even thrived that year.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that God doesn’t make mistakes…HE has a perfect plan, even though I don’t understand it. When the “what ifs” come, I have to remember that they are from Satan because God is NOT the author of confusion, but the Prince of Peace as my friend Janna always tells me.
I continue to seek and find JOY everyday. JOY is a gift and I never want to be without it again!!

My prayer that October morning was to feel JOY again. God works really fast!! I met my friend Janice at Ross in Rockwall. It was only a few minutes in the store and I saw it…JOY!! I thought to myself, wow JOY in October. Next, we went to TJ Maxx and again I saw it JOY….I started thinking, okay JESUS I’m seeing this. It was crazy. It was fall…Halloween should be everywhere, but God is showing me JOY. We left and went into Kirklands. There it was as soon as we walked in the store…JOY!! My friend asked me if I had noticed the “JOY” and I said yes…I prayed for it. I told her about my prayer that morning…God is God!! I asked him for something so simple, little did I know how this JOY would impact my life. JOY has changed my life..it has given me hope.
I have learned that happiness and JOY are so different. You feel happiness…JOY is not really a feeling, it’s a fact, a gift!! Happiness fades but JOY is everlasting when your find it in Jesus!!
I will choose JOY!! Will you?

“From where the sun rises to where it sets you inspire shouts of joy.” Psalms 65:8