As we rode home, it felt so strange. I had never thought we would leave the hospital and Blake not go with us. My sweet boy was gone…separated from me until I would go home.
Our house was full of family and friends when we arrived. I still thought, wished and even prayed that this was a horrible dream and it was time to wake up!! But, this was my life now. I could fill the sadness inside me growing so big and so strong. Everyone told me that I was going to be angry with God and it was normal…nothing in my life was normal. I hated the saying “this is your new normal”. So, I began to pray and beg the Lord to not let me become angry with Him. I have prayed that prayer so many times. God has been so faithful to me in that prayer. I’ve never been mad at Him. When the sadness would over whelm me, I would pray “just let me vision Heaven”. Blake was completely whole there. No more pain, no more migraines and no more suffering. He was the lucky one. He was with Jesus!!
Derek and Sarah’s wedding was on May 26th which was only a few short days away. I can’t remeber the exact day, but they went for their last marriage counseling session with Randy Wade. When they came home from this, they looked so different…they ask us to go with them in our bedroom to talk. I had no idea what was going to happen next. Sarah sat down on my bed and she looked at Derek, then Randy and myself. She told us the most amazing thing. She said…I’ve been saved!! I was filled with the most wonderful JOY!! My sweet girl asked JESUS to come into her heart. She was my gift!! I remember her saying that Blake would not leave her alone. He knew she needed JESUS in her heart!! This was the first of many blessings God has given to our family since Blake passed away.